just because

the weekend has been mine, mine and mine alone, along with my refusal to take home any stacks of books for marking or checking, despite the fact that i've to get my ass to school early to clear the back-log of marking.

i think i shall walk to school once again, stop by the traffic lights and once more shield my eyes from the blinding sunlight with my fingers and reminicise about how i used to walk to school the same way in college, only that the sky was lighter then and i was decked in the same way, day-in, day-out.

i saw two kittens playing by the roadside yesterday and i stopped to take a look at them - one silky coal black and the other charred in shards of grey. they put their paws in the spooks of the wheel of my bike and their eyes widened in curiosity - i presume they've never seen a bicycle before.

they didn't let me stroke them though - too frightened and having seen too little of the world and not knowing whom they should trust - their mother keeping a close watch on them from a short distance away, casting distrustful glances across my way from behind her slit eyes and lazy demeanor.

i cycled to where i'd not cycled for a long time, my heart always taking me to another place, in another direction, when yesterday, i decided it was all to naught and i'd be better off going where i really wanted to. perhaps a small scale metaphor of my life - but ooh-la-la, i'm too tired to care. comparisons can be drawn and reflections done - but to carry them out and to change - ah, that's a big thing.

it is always a pleasant surprise for me to see whatever i'd thought of seeing a split second ago and yesterday was no exception. i spied the car, parked at the same location and i thought of many yesterdays ago with me and him and essentially, me.
i think of days past and i notice that the car is dented at the front and at the back and i smile to myself as i think about how he could have hit someone's rear from behind or how he could have backed all the way into a concrete landing. i think about how time has passed and how it has made monkeys of us all, and i recall a time when we both wore our white school shoes to church and then i think about what has always taken me in another direction, and i manage to find similarities.

i've said enough of things that only i understand though.

the last week of school and i'm confounded at the fact that the heady feeling has not engulfed me - that same heady feeling that whispers promises of hazy days spent in bed, of flying off on planes and waiting at departure lounges and of walking alone into the sunset as people thronge around you.
perhaps today as i reach school, a tidy pile of result slips will be awaiting my endorsement.

i've spent the weekend pigging out on good food from lemongrass, seafood from malaysia and pizza from pizza walker at wisma atria - nothing like authentic italian pizza with an exceptionally thin crust. i have also, like a typical bimbo in distress, spent a gazzilion load of money on sales that tempt, sales that entice. this time - a selection of normal looking knit tops from m)phosis that would be good for work. oh, and a short flare skirt in black too that makes me think i'm too old for such skirts, but i still bought it, just because.