and it was all yellow

Then she looked me right square in the eye
And said, everyday I wake up hoping to die.

what i will do

i will stuff my mouth with tissue paper
and prick my eyes with toothpicks.
because these are nothing.

just

me myself & i

iamsick

Some french guy wants to know me so i dug out some sh*t from my french book. i sound so lame.

hello arno,
Comment allez-vous?
Je Suis Singapourien.
Je travaille dans une banque. enchante.
geraldine

Hello Geraldine,
Je suis Francais et j aimerai bien mieux te connaitre.
Si tu veux on peux s envoyer nos adresses e-mail.
A bientot, j espere.
Arno.

now stop laughing, all of you.

********

today i binged.

lunch was

• chicken rice
  
• fried rice with potatoes and chicken
  
• loads of milo
  

dinner was

• sarsi
  
• beehoon
  
• pineapple tarts
  
• pringles chips
  
• kueh bangkit
  

i am sick.

la Guerre d'Algerie

O, Draconian Devil!
Oh, lame saint!

i lost it

i lost it, i don't know how.
i don't even recall taking it out.
i lost it.
why?

fast car by tracy chapman

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

*****

browsed micro films of newsprints from the 19th century today.
returned to boon lay today for the sole purpose of returning library books.
it was quiet and green.

i have a liking for the colour white.

a mix up at the optician's made me laugh. i realised that the optician was blessed with the ability to laugh, finally.

then it was to the pavillion in the dark that he constructed before he leaves on the 15th.
i never welcomed him but now i'm sorry to see him leave.
and there i bent.

*****
the show must go on.

*****

Empty spaces, what are we waiting for
Abandoned places,
I guess we know the score
On and on,
does anybody know what we are looking for
Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore
The show must go on, The show must go on

- Queen,
The Show Must Go On

it

but now i can see that i'm so stupid.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING ANYWAY?

why fucking couldn't i be ---- because i like the sensation of it? just for tonight and the rest of my life.

my hair smells like crap (shit).

every bit of 1234567y now makes me sad because it's so short lived and reminds me of what i n---- w--- ---e. it h3:_ _s

rise&fall

my stomach was total sh*t yesterday.

t'was pretty orangey in the end.

took a sleeping pill (my sore throat medicine actually, which knocks me out pretty good) and messaged tommy that i was bored. happens so that he was going to J.B, so the three guys came to pick me up at 1plus and we went in malaysia at 2am in the bloody s280 merc again. pumped petrol and bought smokes (them, not me) and had supper at some sad prata shop around 2plus or 3am (everything was "i can't remember-ish")
i'm glad for their company because i was stuck at home watching the tv and crying at the re-run of my lucky charm on tape. the ending had a happy ending, surprise, surprise! how happy.
and when i came home, everything seemed like a dream, as if i never left the house like how everything seems hazy nowadays.

They said that time's a healer
Look at my life
Look at my heart
Look at my hopes
Look at my dreams
I'm building bridges from these scenes
Caught up in my thinking
Like a prisoner in my mind
You pose so many questions
But the truth was hard to find
Now you won't catch me when I fall

Gabrielle, "Rise"

My tea's gone cold
I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad
I drank too much last night,
my head just feels in pain

*****

I live my life in chains
Got my hands in chains
And you can easily gamble your life away
Second after second
And day by day
You play the game or you walk away
It's a new turn on a blue day

*****

On an evening such as this
It's hard to tell if I exist
If I pack the car and leave this town
Who'll notice that I'm not around?
I could hide out under there
I just made you say underwear
I could leave, but I'll just stay
All my stuff's here anyway.

Pinch me.

2nd day

"i'm not the only one, even though my fate may put me outside the law and outside society. in the search for happiness, however, we are all equal: none of us is happy- not the banker/musician, the dentist/writer, the checkout girl/actress, or the housewide/model"
from some book, by some guy.

i'd be lingering the rest.

*******

collected 12 ang pows yesterday, the result of going to 3 different households and a temple near bukit batok. oh, make that 4 households. we slotted in one more household before going for the gambling session that ended past 2.
i was so dead when i got home.
the ang pows are lying on a heap on my desk and i'll do a tally later for the benefit of my parents- that they remember who to give how much to next year.
i fell asleep watching god of gamblers yesterday after winning $5. to the screams of "banluts" and "last round!"
********
interesting people that we visited yesterday included a garbage collector who was drinking remnants of his red wine that the rich had thrown away with the seal intact.
he mentioned that he can finish 4 bottles of wine a day.
and the rich throw away poh heng gold chains.
intentionally or unintentionally we shall never know.
we also visited a woman who just moved into her new house and is in the process of divorcing her husband.
i always liked the way she decorated her house. can't begin to describe it but it's nice.
but a slob like me can never live that way.
imagine: the toilet's spotless!
and the hall is nice and round and cozy. perfect.
strangely, i can see myself living like that.
exactly. like that.

photos

lucky charm

i was watching the 9pm show today.

jeanette aw's character was lying on the bed because she lost the use of her legs almost totally in a car accident. and she was trying to reach for a glass of water, and no matter how hard she tried, it eluded her grasp.

the trying part and what immediately followed, that which was a by-product of that act, reminded me of something.

how lovely

NTUC opens till 2am tonight. if i had someone by my side, i would drag the person there to look at chinese new year goodies, squeeze with the ah-sohs and get my slippers caked with dirt as i fume at people who stomp on my feet.
how lovely.

latent, dormant, always there, never realised.

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
there comes once...

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
someone who reveals the other side

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
magic... sweeps you off your feet

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
pandora's box...

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
felt that you always had tt tinge in you

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
just waiting for someone to open

UNREALvoid~ Club of Longest Hurts says:
latent... dormant.... always there, never realised

i dream

i dreamt of pretty helium balloons.
but they floated to the sky.

balloons from everywhere,
floating up to the sky.

but they cogulated as they reached the top.
coming together.
attracted.

*** ***

there was no rain today,
and i did not have to use it as a cape.
but it was a good surprise of the presentation,
and i felt a bit happy.
plus it made me snort and laugh.

enough of woes that sap me off.

life gone cold

My life got cold
It happened many years ago
When summer slipped away

Girls Aloud - Life Got Cold