i feel myself crumbling, bit by bit.
typing this out, i don't know if i'll be jinxed.
lying in bed at night, i fear the inevitable.
i'm not quite there as a bear with a sore head,
but fear takes my hand and guides me towards being
prickly and in despair.
i feel like i can't imagine life beyond.
i feel like i shouldn't be thinking this way.
the jitters get hold of me.
and i imagine -
being tongue-tied,
glibberish,
feeling defeated once more.
i don't want that.
i fear that even more than loss itself.
i want to believe in myself once more.
